Good Night, Sleep Tight

It is very late now. And of all things to do, I should be sleeping soundly in bed instead of blogging. Darn, got a long day class tomorrow. Really crazy workloadsI have these days.

I am soooo whiny.

I feel really odd right now. A part of me is desperate to be held tightly and comforted while the other half is telling me to run, run far and fast... away from all. Away. This half wants to be alone.

To seek some answers to the recurring questions bothering my sanity for the past few weeks. I haven't been sleeping well, not concentrating well in class nor have I been really nice to the people around me. My temper is flaring like crazy, maybe I am just very good at sequestering such emo-ness within me.

I did not mean to turn like this. We can blame the stress (exams in like... so soon!) or just the lack of effective communication I have lately. Many many things to do, yet so little time. I feel an immense emptiness and disconnected from everyone, yes, even the BF. =( But I know people will worry about me, especially if it is so apparent. But I am not one to share emotions and feelings so openly, as jovial a person I may seem to be.

Frustration is not the solitary culprit in my agony. You know how bad things just happen in a chain reaction? Yeah, just like "jatuh ditimpa tangga"... In my case, it's a chain of negative feelings... LoL ... what an oddball yes?

I have been getting irritated waaaay too easily these days. Sometimes the BF is the poor victim (sorry dear!) yet then I end up feeling guilty for taking it out on him... Hence, guilt sets in. And I feel worse. I get jealous very easily, I nag, I complain, I get possessive and controlling... Ah you get the picture!

And when such sorts of distractions set in, it is easy to lose touch with someone so close, so cherished. Yeah, I am saddened by the fact that we haven't really spent much quality time together, even less talking for that matter. And both of us being so busy with studies and ECA... aahh... I hope they don't aggravate things.

I can get too demanding until I am shocked. So angsty until I retrospect in fear. More fear in the potential strain it leaves on our relationship... [nearing 8 months already! A MEGA-achievement for me!!! ] I certainly hope the BF doesn't hate me by now. Missing him terribly mucho grando!

Such behavioural crises commonly overflows and affects interpersonal relationships [friends, family?]

LoL! Lastly, having so little time to finish the course revisions is an additional 'burden'? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.


Now does anyone see why I wanna run away from all this to find solitude?

OR seek consolation to alleviate this gargantuan psycho-physico-emotional weight?


Haha, running away seems to be the best choice as at this point. Less work. Keep on running. Metaphorically. (cos my knees aren't that strong)

It is one of those times/phases in life where one has some serious thinking to do!

I feel like I have lost myself, struggling in chaos. Chaos within myself and maybe the immediate environment. *encapsulated*

From another perspective, it is good that no one knows. (OK, you bloghoppers know now!)


This is truly loneliness in the midst of solitude.


Good night & Sleep tight!

Taiwanese Eccentricities

So I was in Taiwan earlier this month for a week... Guess what I found?

(Hi~I am pukii)

[From left: Pu Ma (Mummy Pu), Pu Mei (Little Sis Pu,) Pukii and Pu Pa (Daddy Pu) ]

Imagine queueing up at the counter at Tesco when someone suddenly flashes out a pukii Mastercard... So cute right? Haha (quirky ideas they have for a bank mascot huh?)

WATCH THE VIDEO!

It Ends Tonight

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I get the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain


When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

It ends when darkness turns to light
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Resistance Training

It kicks my butt.



I love that.

Sometimes...

...I wish I never knew.

Deep down, as much as I try to calm it... I feel a storm brewing.

Top 10 Reasons I Hate "The Moron"

From this post onwards, everytime I refer to my housemate, I shall use The Moron...


1. He pisses ON the toilet seat (and doesn't clean it afterwards!)


2. He refuses to clear the hair (obviously HIS hair cos I am NOT balding!) clogging the bathroom drain. He continues to use the bathroom, obliviously!


3. When the rubbish bin is full, he just takes another plastic bag and fills his rubbish into the new bag then places it RIGHT NEXT to the overflowing bin. CAN'T YOU JUST BLARDY THROW IT OUTSIDE???


4. He never places the cooking utensils, pots and pans he uses back into the cabinets. JUST LEAVE IT TO DRY BY THE SINK AND EXPECTS THEM TO MAGICALLY WALK INTO THE CABINETS!


5. When I wake up late, he will go "You should wake up earlier! You should get ready earlier!" I am like, WTF! I suka lah when I wanna wake up or if I wanna skip classes [note: still attending everything]

btw, HE BLOODY OCCUPIES THE BATHROOM FOR 1 HOUR EVERYTIME HE GOES IN!!! (and only leaving me 30 min b4 lectures. WTF he doing inside I dono!) FYI, you still are a minger, regardless of how you groom yourself ok!


6. When I wake up early, he will go "Wah, wake up early ah? What happened to you ah?" *toot* WHO THE HECK YOU THINK YOU ARE? MY GRANDMOTHER AH?


7. He EXPECTS ME to call the landlady (cos he apparently cannot communicate in Cantonese) , pay bills, get the net connection, fix anything that goes WRONG in the house blablabla... though he is the MAIN TENANT!


8. He always talks about wanting to clean the house cos it's getting dirty. BUT NEVER EVER DOES IT!!! In the end, poor little Joshy has to do it!!! (OMG I am amazed at his high tolerance level of cleanliness!!!)


9. Last weekend, I sensed some odd smell in the kitchen. THERE WERE ROTTING ONIONS ON THE REFRIGERATOR!!! I told him about it and guess what? He smelled it too, but just ignored the odour.



10. THIS EFFING IDIOT JUST ENTERS MY ROOM AND GOES THROUGH MY COMPUTER, SEARCHING FOR STUFF (with the excuse that the internet's not working) WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! WHEN I AM NOT HOME...


My blood is boiling.




p.s. Oh yeah, he has bad colour sense too. Horrible matching fashion sense.

MINGING SUPREME HE IS...

Arghhh...

So one fine Sunday, I was grocery shopping and conveniently bought a pack of scrubbing pads (the ones used to clean stuff you know?)

And I went home and placed the respective scrubs in strategic and handy locations like, by the kitchen sink and the bathroom basin...

As I was arranging stuffs in the bathroom, my "dearest" housemate entered and was wondering what I was doing with the scrubbing pad thingy...


Dearest: What's the pad for?
Me: Err, to clean the bathroom basin lor... the old ones like disintegrate dee ma...
Dearest: But I though we can use that *points to the toilet bowl cleaning-brush*
Me: OMG!!! Whaaaat!!! You can't use the same thing to clean the toilet bowl and the basin...
Me: YOU IDIOT!!! (of course, I didn't say this last bit out loud)
Dearest: It's the same one what. We don't put our faces so close to the basin.
Me: Err, let's just use the pads ok?


I AM LIVING WITH A LAZY, INCOMPETENT WEIRD SICK PORNO FREAK WHO IS YUCKY AND STUPID...

OMG... Save me!

I have learned...

"As we grow, life ceases being less and less just about ourselves. We have responsibilities not only to ourselves anymore."

Harsh truth?

Onset

It feels weird being an participant in this rising phenomenon.

I have like, straight guy friends, telling me they want to experiment the alternative lifestyle. In short, they wanna try being gay. Like seriously.

*gasps*

Also, my girlfriends are complaining that they lack a fabulous faggoty friend (with the exception of me, of course)

BEWARE!!! The Pink Army is off to conquer new realms...

My Paper Heart

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me please, I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can

Tears fall, down your face
The bitter taste, is killing
Something that I know
Life is, easiest when I am around you.

So bottle up the past ,
And throw it out to sea,
Watch it drift away, as life brightens
Time has passed
The seasons go
Waiting, day to day it goes through

My lips, are sealed for others
My tongue is,
Tied to, a dream of being with you
To settle for less, is not what I desire

Summer time, the nights they are so long
The leaves fall down, and so do I into your arms
Where I belong, for longer than forever
Winter nights
My bedside is cold, whenever you are gone
And spring blossoms you to me

Please just don't doubt me
My paper heart will bleed
Only a life with you will do
Stay with me please, I plead you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can
Never will I let you go...

Dying...

Let's see what I had for lunch yesterday...

I have no life...

Beautiful Collision

What a beautiful collision
Things that go bump in the night
With such beautiful precision
Fate could create both you and I

Do you know what it means
To abandon your dreams?
To leave with the storms rolling by
How the clouds on this day
Come to take you away
Til you're gone gone far away from me

Beautiful beautiful night
What a beautifully dangerous ride
What a beautiful day we could hardly complain about
What's going on in the sky

Do you know what it means
To abandon your desires ?
To leave with the no tears falling
How the suffocating mist on this day
Come to take you away
Til you're gone gone far away from me

Move with the strangers
That pass through your days
If someone by chance
Should call out your name
When you're lost in the places you don't care to stay
A blinding romance to blow you away

A beautiful collision
When both we shared an intermission
From every logic and sense around
Ah, I hear that sound!

Of a...

...beautiful collision

.....

So I cried.


It's really getting harder and harder to breathe.


I missed you the most.

Matters of the Body

I am injured.

I am sick.

I am deprived of sleep.


I am ... so gonna drop dead any moment now.

Secrets of the Heart

What happens if love is not enough?


In the end, there isn't really a reason. It was as good as crawling out from a well, scratching against the strong concrete wall, desperately trying to move away, retreat to somewhere safe.

Pardon me. But this boy is overly emo now.

Yes you! Go away now. Go!

Studying

Damn boring stress lor...

There's this huge pile of notes I have yet to even lay my lazy eyes on... And I am busying myself with countless not-going-to-help-in-studies activities... like sports (am I being too hyper?) and lepak-ing at pasar malam, mamak, the local neighbourhood supermarket etc... (hey this place is pretty ulu ok?) Ah how can me be dissociated from gossip???

Swear to the Heavens, I have tried umpteen times to flip open my textbooks and lecture notes to drill the facts into my brain (or whatever that's left of it!). It does not help much that I am forever blur early in the mornings and all I can think of anytime before 11am is I WANNA GO BACK TO SLEEP! In spite I went to bed (relatively) early... Guess sleepiness is contagious! *wink wink*

I have even tried staying back in the library to look thru reference books and education material online. Ended up reading blogs.

To further accentuate my sense of desperation, I was studying in a group (with people I don't really like nor have anything to talk to about). I fell asleep. Thank goodness gracious that I didn't drool all over the library books.

At home? My room is soooo tiny I have hardly any space for much furniture. My 'study table' is cluttered with loads of things like facial care products, coins, letters blablabla... Can't find the motivation to clear it up. Hence, the only comfy place to study is on my bed. Surprise surprise. The first time I tried, I fell asleep 5 minutes later. The following day, 3 pages... Only to wake up and realise: OMG I forgot everything I read. How wonderful.

FAILED ATTEMPTS. MANY FAILED ATTEMPTS.

I. AM. A. BAD. STUDENT.

I. AM. A. BIG, FAT & LAZY. BAD. STUDENT!!!

Yet, I managed to do 2 BodyJam classes in 2 days. Talk about setting the right priorities.

However, I am soooo sure that if the subject in matter is The Boyfriend, my attention-span would be stretched by leaps and bounds. He may very well be the absolute cure to this Sleepy+Laziness-Maximus Syndrome afflicting me.

Haha, is there any doubt I'd be so "industrious and resourceful" while studying The Boyfriend?

Love is...

I have always portrayed the image of a 'playa'. Someone who prefers to flirt around and date casually. Not wanting to be bogged down with the messiness and complexity. Why trouble oneself???

Like someone said before, Love is just something people say to each other to get laid. And in the end, everybody gets hurt.

Truth is, I am a diehard romantic deep down.

ButI am was chronically overprotective of my heart. Having a rather perplexing dating history, you can't blame me, really! With the last heartbreak few months ago, I really wanted to give up.

That is, until my boyfriend came into my life. Swooning me and sweeping me off my feet, lyk completely. Making me wanna surrender me all... Lyk nothing's too much, too dear to give.



Although this may be hard and scares me so,

A life with you scares me more...


You've been waiting so long
I'm here to answer your call
I know that I shouldn't have had you waiting at all
I've been so busy, but I've been thinking about what I wanna do with you


When there's just you and me, just us two... I feel like there's no one else around.




Love is...


Love is... what I share with him. ;P

Just A Simple Note

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!

What did I get myself into?

@#%&^*#@$

Guess what? I am already in university.

Tertiary education. Brand new, much-awaited phase in life (hardly something I anticipate noting me so lazy). Fresh start.

How on earth did I end up HERE??? In a sorta-semi-ulufied place with a shamefully small campus... in comparison... and with a weird housemate. An oddity, who just proclaimed to me (with his guest friend) is planning to have an entourage of str8 guys going to LQ next week. Hmm...

You know what I hate most? Being a freshman...

Why?

Cos juniors get bullied by seniors lor. And me prefers to be on the bullying side... as per usual.

ORIENTATION WEEK starts Monday. Ah the "excitement"!

Anyways, me started talking to ppl... Naturally I talk... like A LOT... of BIMBO-worthy things... But...

It's only like Week Zero on the Academic Calendar. And there are people so uptight and stressed out, having the overly-enthusiastic attitude of wanting to be on the Dean's List, being President of this club that club, wanting to get a minimum of straight As and other despicable kiasu acts... Goodness, we haven't been orientated yet. =(

I mean, rilek lah bradder... So stress what for, man?

So yeah, getting into a programme where MOST of the candidates are soooo particularly anal about grades and merely their textbooks... where do I fit in?

Will I even ever fit in? But shouldn't I have expected this in the first place? Was I too hasty bout this???

I don't know, as of yet.

In perspective, I am only human. And people usually get fearful and worry when we are put in unfamiliar circumstances.

Aaah... I met a guy who tutors a national athlete and is overly super-high achiever. And another girl who skipped like donno-how-many years of school... and is entering uni at 16!!! Oh, there's this really really really irritating guy who cannot stop talking about how he's only in our university cos he did not get accepted elsewhere (e.g. Cambridge, Oxford, Melbourne etc) despite his excellent grades and track record.



Here I stand, a mere tiny dwarf in a hall overflowing with giants.



Am I really ready for this???

I better be. I chose this route. So now, just Plug 'n Play!

(A look at the timetable for the semester and one shall faint)

Keranamu Kekasih

Kaulah segala-galanya
makna didalam hidupku
Detik ini telah lama sudah kutunggu
Hangat sentuhanmu
melerai rindu

Kasih, disini kuserahkan
Jiwa raga dan pengabdian
Cinta, untukmu segalanya
Demi untuk bersama
Dipangkuanmu kasih
Keranamu, kekasih

Seri cahaya matamu
Setulus perasaanmu
Aku tahu kita pasti akan bertemu
bertentang mata
gugurlah rinduku

Kasih, disini kuluahkan
Jiwa raga dan kasih sayang
Cinta, untukmu segalanya
Demi untuk bersama
Dihadapanmu kasih
Keranamu, kekasih

Kasih, disini kutunaikan
Sumpah janji dipertemukan
Sayang, untukmu kusatukan
Rindu dan percintaan
Dipelukanmu kasih
Keranamu, kekasih
Dipelukanmu kasih
Keranamu, kekasih...