confession

this past fortnight... i have been doing the 'horizontal tango' way too much. (but actually it was in horizontal, vertical and among a selection of positions.

enough to go celibate for months.

*cough*

omg i am a slut.

WTF

Somehow I always find myself in WTF situations

Needless to say, that crazy bug still lingers in my life.

I don't know what got into me; probably solitude and more likely, an untimely surge of hormones?

I succumbed. Oh well, never claimed to be a goodie two shoes anyway.

He's a Dental Officer, in the same hospital and somehow we met on youknowthatapp.

He's been very persistent and consistent with his flirting. I appreciated the attention.

He wasn't even close to being my type and erm, we're on different frequencies. The flirting gradually progressed to sexting among other things And one day, we hooked up.

Probably was thinking with my groins at that time.

 After it was all over and done with, he told me... "let's do this again!" 

"oh yeah, I have a girlfriend btw" 

 WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF!

funny where life takes us

from a lost teenager; undecided what to do with his life, who then found himself in med school (at a whim too!)...

... he went through several emotional rollercoaster rides throughout the 5 eventful years; a few weddings, some deaths and a broken heart; still managing to graduate on time (phew!) :P

and then he decided to fall face forward into hedonism (some parts are best left omitted *ahem*), delay starting work... for as long as he (legally; without the need for a psychiatric diagnosis) can...

... 4 months down the road, in retrospect; he got sent to a (kinda) rural hospital (suburbia really; but surely feels like social Siberia) by our beloved Ministry, got off-tagged after half the required duration (woohoo!), got made chief intern after a month, revamped the intern system in the department, made ONE enemy, made ONE new friend... :)

not forgetting all the times he dug into the patients' bodily cavities excising whatchamacallits.

[apparently people claim i'm the most Type A of all Type A personalities? *gasp*]

... noting this fella's history; what is a quarterly summary without some scandals and questionable choices in his life...

so yeah, joshy is doing alright for now. except maybe he needs to lose a stone or two. hmph!

*and oh yeah, this guy really wants to see this ONE enemy of his fall down a few flights of stairs! anybody wanna offer a banana peel?

Happy Valentine's Day

... to me.

Strangely enough I managed to find some suitors in this rural town (they may or may not be in the same locality, but close enough)

Why oh why?

But alas, it's always the case where's there's something missing in that sweetest guy who interested in me...

... deep down, there's something not right. the lack of chemistry? different wavelengths?

le sighs.

dilemma

how does one choose between the following two to spend the weekend off with?

the (almost) BF

who i havent seen for a week, oh yes he is sweet to drive to this little secluded town weekly for our time together, but darn it feels like forever

or

the BFF (best faggoty friend)

well, 4 months is forever!!!

?????

muaks!

with you in my life, i no longer feel alone anymore.

:)

What I Crave

I was craving for some 'traditional' English afternoon high tea.

So he took the day off to accompany me.

Ah, how hilarious it is that we are always dressed the opposite way. One being overdressed and the other too laidback casual. A crime we perpetually repeat, how silly! Four dates and counting.

Chamomile tea for us today?

The way he stares into my eyes; with a vengeance to uncover what's beneath my skin.

Or is it lust?

Or is it romance?

Three dates on three consecutive days.

The scones can wait.

There is a certain physical and intellectual attraction; a long-sought rarity. For someone to appreciate the same things I do in life. The little things. The finer things. The little details that lead to a world of colours.

The quiche and pie can wait.

And as I listed out all the things I am looking forward to later this year, he said, "Can I be there with you?"

I'll have that with vanilla ice-cream, thank you!

As we drove off (into the ubiquitious metropolitan jam) in his yuppie car, the audio system started playing. A soothing bossa nova voice singing,

"I love you, I love you, I love you"

Oh! That lingering aftertaste of blackberries and java!

And then, his fingers crept into the spaces between mine.

You

How you can just see right through me

How you uncover what's beneath my skin

How you know what my heart truly wants

And not what my voice says

The way you look into my eyes

And whisper sweet nothings

Oh why did the lightbulb had to blow

As we ended up dancing in the dark

What you say without words

Unsheaths what was frayed inside

Oh this way you make me feel

Has got me all unreeled

All I can give are all my pieces broken.

No More

Finally, we have reached a mutual agreement. An understanding.

That is this the end.

To over a year of ... turning tables.

I can never keep up.

God only knows what we were fighting for.

But we both know the blame's for us to share.

It's time to say goodbye.

So goodbye...

keep the b*tchy

I was just chilling out in the sun with a bestie (perfecting her tan, while I was probably getting burnt with 3 layers of tan from 3 different island already!) and I made a passing comment about, well, something.

"That is such a joshy-statement!"

"Huh? Err.. okay!"

*awkward silence*

"I will miss you, Josh"

"Aww, I will miss you too, gurl!"

"Can you promise me that you will keep the b*tchy joshy?"

.....

Off to Another Island Getaway!

Actually had a few posts in mind but i kept delaying cos i am so fickle-minded and the frigging job-related paperwork is driving me up the wall.

BREATHE!

Nevermind, I am gonna escape from all the persistent stressors and all things familiar to another 'paradise' island!

Will blog again when I come back!

Till then, many many bone-crushing hugs,

-joshyboi-

Dr. Joshyboi

For real now.

After five long years (rather eventful and tumultous, i must say), i finally reached the end.

I GRADUATED MED SCHOOL YO!

... and all i got were two letters in front of my name, and a huge debt.

[i dono how in the flying f*ck i managed to do it, but i spent close to RM2k on my graduation shopping spree within 24 hours]

in a deeper pit that is called DEBT again...

on another note, i got myself a sexy tan (from my island paradise holiday just this past weekend)... yums! HAHA...

okay, dr joshyboi signing off now. brb. shopping can be exhausting... :)

Into the Madness

The last 4 weeks of medical school.

The last sprint on this 5-year long marathon.

I see the finish line; now to actually cross it!

*****

Woohoo! Ran the 10km category for the 'Biggest Marathon in Malaysia' - The Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2011! Completed it, got a fancy shiny medal from it, got a satisfactory Personal Best time (ranked ahead of over 3600 other people) so me is happy!

[Met my bro, Medielicious... Think I saw Vin from What Lurks Beneath! Was hoping to see more peeps like Anton, but takjadi *sighs*)

I guess you readers (all three of you!) have noted my sudden freefall into being a fanatic runner within this year alone... And it's all good. I count it as my new vice. The good kind. Brought me a lot of good, it has.

Helped me made new (lovable and hilarious but better-figured) friends, made me more disciplined (oh yeah, it's a lifestyle!) and of course, got me to control my weight! And erm, improve my stamina in bed as well! Haha, but that's not for all to know!

More events in my running diary this year! Hopefully they will all happen especially the Great Scottish Run in Glasgow, Baxter Loch Ness Run... and my first Half Marathon @ Penang Bridge Marathon later this year!

*****

I swear that this last month of medschool is driving me mad. Sucking all of the very little lifeforce I have outta me... Ah, so overworked, under-rested, undersexed (cough cough). So drained, possibly the most stressful I have been in like, FOREVER!

People around me are getting meaner too. Screw the politics, I am sticking to my principles! (Of being a lazybum!) And am praying hard to graduate in time, go backpacking without whoring myself out... and live the rest of my life!

*****

Finally got the spare time to bake last Saturday. Gosh how I miss cooking and baking with my loved ones. Made some cute cupcakes for my sister's birthday (not too pretty and definitely not good enough to sell) with some extras for my running buddies from Down South (who ohsokindly accommodated and gulped them all up)...

So yes, I guess there is life outside of medicine for me. I just gotta find the time.

Otherwise, I can consider other career paths! ... Like being a 'househusband'...

*****

Till next time, here's a sincere wish for everybody:

MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES BE WELL AND HAPPY ALWAYS! :)

Forbidden Fruit

So Mr. W somehow stumbled his way into my life. This time in a different role, with different possibilities. What a pleasant surprise really?

And looking at the history, we go all the way back.

In summary, he was previously kinda dating this other friend of mine (D) who I slept with, ONCE, but subsequently that inappropriate moment of heat ruined our friendship, BOO! W is also best friends with one of my best friends and like close-bros with D's ex (who I am friends with) while D was like buddies with an ex of mine. One of W's ex-s seem to be an entry in my little black book.

Oh darn. The story's making both of us look like sluts!

So the question now is, IS HE FORBIDDEN FRUIT?

Another One Catches Fire

so now it's crystal clear that i have been the third party all along...

never mind that i was colluded, now that i know, should i be impressed with myself or be just plain upset?

anyways, we all know this will all lead onto the highway to hell.

[delete entry (E) 2011] click!

ah probably i may just lock myself up and save my heart from all the cracks.

my lovelife is a mess. always been. gah!

My Quarter-life Crisis

Age is just a number.

Hmm, is it really?

Somehow pondering about my coming-of-age is keeping me awake, haha yeah it's 3.00 a.m. now on our extended May Day holiday weekend. Oh darn you ageing hormones!

Dear ol' Joshyboi is turning a quarter-century old this Saturday.

Oh you heard it right! 25. TWENTY-FIVE. oh my gosh, did i just hear somebody say that 25 is the new 40?

Needless to say, all that has got me into a panic of sorts. Panic for and about myself.

I look around me and I see my peers doing all sorts of stuff with their lives. Grown-up stuffs. I have a few classmates who just got married or are engaged to married immediately after graduation this year. Another has purchased a new BMW from his side-job profits (how one juggles a business and medschool amazes me!). Old friends from home have either married and produced cute babies... or are set to do so soon; own properties or are just putting their downpayments. Other friends have been promoted upsohigh-ohsofast in their respective jobs.

Well, I can go on and on.

Looking at the guy in the mirror, well, I ask, what about me? What am I doing with my life?

At this point; where I am is a traffic junction, somewhere where the road forks. I am finally here. Where my friends have already passed this point and travelled on their paths while ... I am just trodding my way along.

For one, I reckon I have an adventurous streak. Add on major impulsive traits. Sounds like a recipe for disaster right? Ah even medical school was made against the family's wishes. *keeping my fingers crossed to graduate on time!*

While others are earning money and supporting their families (or however they choose to spend their riches), I am still dependent on Mummy. A basic stipend, with occasional begging for extras! Haha! Gonna start working soon, so it's my time to pay back my dues. :)

Finishing medschool is gonna such a relief. It has been a rollercoaster ride, lasting 5 years, filled with a lifetime of stories. Oh so I thought.

Now comes the real deal of work. And prior to that, deciding where to do my internship (read: house-officer jobs). And then, which postgraduate pathway to pursue??? OBGYN? Anaesthesia? General Surgery? :( No thanks to those who have already started revising for their MRCP Part 1 exams (gosh, you haven't even finished your MBBS!)

Honestly, I have only seriously considered planning for my graduation trip! :) 6 weeks of backpacking!

Yeah, gonna turn 25 soon. Oh my.

Still single, last I checked. Numerous potential relationships sparked and died off. Being geographically-displaced is an obvious disadvantage. Or maybe I have turned uninteresting/unattractive. Nvm lah, still young right? *cough cough*

Everybody around me's dating somebody. Always being the odd 'lamp-post' puts me off sometime. Ah... Probably should just stay at home and mope. Ha!

"Oh baby. If only we weren't hundreds of miles apart..."

If only. So many 'if-only'... enough to drown me.

So I run. Running seems to be an addiction these days. Running helps me vent out all the $^#(@!% I have accumulated throughout a regular day. It helps me focus (some of my best ideas this semester were conjured while running, yay!). Most importantly, it helps me lose that annoying lovehandle staring back at me in the mirror!

It may be ohsocliched if I speak of how running has changed my life for the better and all that hooha. So I shall refrain from that and just give a short commentary anyways haha! Running has become a part of my life and it's been a positive change all around. Gonna join a kinda big-scale 'international marathon' down south later this month.

Please pray that I don't collapse and die on the tar road. Thankyouverymuch!

Life's generally good for me. Been good all this while and I am grateful for everything. I can't complain.

I know I am a very lucky boi.

I don't need to have everything or to have perfection to be happy. Or contented.

With that being said, nothing's gonna stop me from partying hard on my birthday! Woohooooo!!!

Went to Mama Monster's concert lady for my birthday last year! Wonder what's in store this year?

From strangers to strangers...

a friend posted this on facebook and watching it got a rigmarole of emotions flowing through me like open floodgates...

...memories of previous relationships; both the good and bad ones, and then there were the horrible ones.

the story is based on a heterosexual couple (Asian at that!) who went through the various stages of a relationship which ended... without a happy ending.

at the very least, the both of them managed to remain civil as 'acquaintances'? which is uncommon after breakups. i speak from personal experiences. lol so i am wondering how many of you guys are able to have an amicable breakup... or are able to remain friends with an ex/ ex-s?

"if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, i will always remember what our life was like in this period of time... and i will be thankful for that."

:)

Have a good week ahead, u-ols! :P

Updates?

Whoa! It feels like forever since I last posted an entry.

Well, my last post was right after my impulsive trip down to Singapore to run... and I am about to go there this coming weekend! Partly for a course, to attend a birthday party and also to run again! It's been quite some time and lotsa things been happening, generally good *smiley face*

Speaking about running, somehow I have been running rather regularly and now it's more like an addiction. A healthy one, for once. Ahem, I am 'freakishly' losing weight (according to my colleagues: "ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT ANOREXIC OR BULIMIC???) I have reached a state (worryingly) that I feel uneasy if I don't run for a day... But yeah I do really enjoy running these days (weekly target: minimum of 40km per week), albeit there is some pressure cos even middle-aged uncles and aunties who run at the same trail as I do... well, they overtake me without giving me a chance to catch up! RUTHLESS!

And I am back on the running scene again with 3 runs lined up for the next 2 months or so with 2 in Singapore (back-to-back on the same weekend)... Yeah I know this doesn't really sound like the old joshy huh? But it's true! I am a crazy running boy now!

I really thought I would get a Borderline for my Paediatrics rotation (firstly cos I hate that field and secondly, cos well I skived quite a lot, salvaging my pretty arse by doing a lot of hard labour - aka presenting CMEs every week or so)! But hey, I did save myself and got quite a good grade! A superior even told me that if I wanted to pursue Paediatrics, I would be welcomed into their team here. Hey, that's a compliment right?

And now, I am in the most-mentally-torturing and demanding rotation - Internal Medicine super-combo with Psychiatry. It's a high intensity posting with really intense faculty. Heck, I was even participating in the department's MRCP (UK) PACES revision rounds today. Whoa! Crazy shyte!

But I am enjoying my third round in Internal Medicine... everything makes so much sense here and there's more brainpower required to analyse the problem and then concoct a holistic management plan (yes I have shamelessly been converted into a philosophical physician, ... for the next month or so) But I attribute this mostly to the team's attitude and willingness to teach us and involve us as 'contributing members' (regardless that we are at the bottom of the food chain)... even though it meant reducing me to 'a clerk in a white coat"!

I would enjoy life here in this district hospital so much more if there was less paperwork which is the bane of my existence here. I spend half my time in front of the computer typing case reports and reading e-journals. Needless to say, this robs my time off of actual clinical practice. Most people think I have disappeared off the face of the earth (but nothing's keeping me away from Facebook!)

Life's not bad. I still start a day with a smile. Life's been kind to me and I am grateful!

Okay, I reckon it must be uber boring for anyone who actually persevered and read till this point. My life these days is very simple; revolving only between my house - hospital - clinical school - clinics - park - gym (in whatever order)...

The most interesting thing to have happened to me in recent moons is... well he came to visit me last weekend. And it was awesome. I don't know where this will lead but for now I am a silly smiling boy. No expectations since it's a period of uncertainty for both of us; careerwise. Carpe diem aye? And just be happy, right?

Being happy is a right.

I am happy, and I am contented :)

Run South!

Somehow this is the best sunset shot of the CBD that what my few skills in photography can produce!

Tips please!!!

My supervisor's off to some medical education conference thingy... and I effectively got 2 days off this week! [with implied permission]

So what does a crazeehhh boy like moi do with so much free time???

I am notorious for my psycho-impulsive behaviour! Just do it! Guess nobody is ever surprised with all the mad things I do. E.g. I can just drive all the way Penang/KL-Ipoh just for a dimsum breakfast...

(So after completing all the backlogged work...) I just...

WENT TO SINGAPORE FOR A RUN! randomly... with a few other cuckoo friends!

It's pretty amazing what we accomplished within the 20 hours we were there!

1. Customary sightseeing at all the new fab places! [haven't been back for 7 months yo!]

Marina Bay Sands & the Helix Bridge @sunset, view from the Youth Olympic Park

2. Pilgrimage to shop @ Orchard Road...

3. Sportsgear upgrade @Queensway! [Wayyy cheaper than any bargain place in Malaysia!]

Everything's cheaper here! and yes, i do love running! The tee was meant as a joke!

And dudesss... how AWESOME are FBT shorts!!!

4. Makan at all random places! [so much nostalgia!]

5. Behave all avant garde and artsy @ Haji Lane

6. Did the Henderson Wave Track Run ... Harbourfront - Marang Trail - Mount Faber - Henderson Wave - Forest Trail - Alexandra Arch - Hort Part - Kent Ridge Park = effectively 4 National Parks! +/- 15KM???

Totally the highlight of the trip... we were literally running above Singapore (cos the Henderson Wave's like a suspension bridge lah!) SYIOK GILERRR!!!

7. Went hunting for some awesome possum hiddensecretbakery @ Kandahar Street!

If I had the means, I'd hop over to the Lion City to run every weekend! The new trails set up sound like soooo fun (if they are as good as the one we just conquered)...

For once, for once... this brash trip is actually a healthy one! Now I am back... and broke! :(

in love with my new asics kicks!

*maybe because I also got the number of the cute cashier @the store!

*cough cough!

Prateik Babbar

Thank goodness it's Friday!!!

It's been a relatively good week. Busy as hell. Overloaded with work, particularly case writeups and taking gallons of blood. Oh my poor patients!

Extremely grateful I am out of the Paediatric Wards for this week and the next. Outpatient and Day Care clinics make this department more tolerable for me. Yup, I have officially crossed out Paediatrics as a postgraduate option! NO WAY!!! Was hoping for the week to end sooner nevertheless.

So to kickstart the weekend, a few friends dragged me along to a home-theatre screening of a new blockbuster arthouse (what a paradox!) Hindi movie. Of course I just depended on subtitles...

I can only curse in Hindi. (CODNA TUMM!!!) Well, I can clerk a patient in broken, laugh-worthy Tamil la. But Hindi is a different ballgame. So yeah, the movie, like all art films, was a tad confusing (add that to me being lost in translation!)... kinda made me concentrate more on the chicken masala that was served. Till I saw this guy...

And whoa! Hotness! And I think his primary role is to be the eye-candy and everybody's pot of sympathy. Ah hotness of a slumdog charming gentleman!

If you do watch the movie, you will totally swoon over this guy. His character is such a sweet loveable guy! Add that to many many topless shots of him, him in wet T-shirt and various states of undress.

Otherwise, the movie is okay. Too artsy for a puny brain like mine. Quite freaky, scary and thrilling at times. Fleeting storylines which do more for psychology fans than simple-minded crowds like. Overall, not bad... Apparently it's a relatively accurate portrayal of Mumbai socioeconomic divide.

I must say, the women featured in this film are bound to give some people nightmares. FREAKY ROLES!

But then again, Prateik appears a lot in this film. Do watch this film even it's just for him. It's a validated reason. Or maybe, for Aamir Khan... if you like your men a few years older and some salt 'n pepper sprinkled on top! :P