Let Me Do It!

If you did not review the patient, don't lie and document 'fictitious' findings in the case notes.

If you do not know anything, ask your peers or superiors. Don't play the guessing game with drug dosages.

If you've done something wrong, own up. Don't fake hypoglycaemic fainting spells as a reason for escape. (And I totally saw you gossiping in the on-call room after!)

If you are so afraid of getting sick from the patients you're supposed 'to care for', you might need to think again if you want this job.

If you have opinions about a patient's illness, keep it to yourself. It's not for mindless chit-chat.

If you are so afraid of taking blood from a patient with retroviral disease, LET ME DO IT ALREADY!

Thank you!

For not doing your job and letting me fill in your gaps while I learn to be better.

And not turn into someone like you. Ptuiii!

a change of heart?

this week i was posted to a semi-rural hospital. only accessible by a trunk road.

as i drive there in the mornings, i have wondered out of boredom - can i get broadband here? will there ever be a mall in this town? LOL but i can get mobile internet on my cellphone though. ah Facebook is still within reach!

the journey there is quite scenic and picturesque. sometimes when i wake up early enough (on time, i mean) i can actually see the sun rise from the eastern skies.

and godsaveme, it's an hour long drive each way.

anyways, i like the hospital. it's small, less staff, less patients, less busy hence people are less pissy.

however, i honestly dreaded this current module/block/posting i am doing cos i have always felt that i am not smart enough for it.

INTERNAL MEDICINE.

the standard textbooks span in the excess of 1000 pages each. possibly comprising of like 80% of all possible diseases from all organ and systems in the human body. to me its like an insurmountable peak, just on the verge of burying me in its base.

and it's exams week AGAIN next week! yup, Christmas week! what a wonderful time to get tortured. and i have been totally dozing my way through the past 3 weeks 'training' in this block.

and in a glimpse, we are reaching the end.

hence, we arrive to today.

a series of unfortunate events as follows:

1. i woke up nearly 20 minutes late. (should have just skived and slept at home!)

2. there was a huge 18 wheeler lorry in front of me (the road being a single-lane in each direction, i couldn't overtake it) causing me to be even more late.

3. some malfunction of my car door.

4. only upon arrival at the hospital did i realise i missed my early morning energy bar! (DAMMIT!)

5. i volunteered to venture into a separate ward from the ones my groupmates were in.

6. i impulsively started clerking the first patient i saw (i usually stroll about and wait for somebody to smile at me before i storm to talk to him/her, on sleepy days like this.)

7. the lecturer stormed into the cubicle while i was examining the patient to observe me.

8. he then said, okay we shall discuss your case with your groupmates and you demonstrate the examination to everybody!

DIEEEEEEEEEE!!! it was a neurological case. which is a system i am particularly weak in (partially cos i am half cuckoo to begin with)

hence i began to tremble and panic!

it began okay. i started saying a lot of general bulls*** that was not applicable to the patient to buy me time hahaha. (which he totally bought and was happy with!)

i began examining. and it all went downhill from there.

i reckon i performed all the required components. but i got criticised every other minute. *frowny face*

"do you think that looks professional?"

"perform each step in logical order. not just by rote memory."

"what you have just done is irrelevant"

"you are tapping, not swinging as you should"

"why did you miss this important sign?"

LOL but i wasn't demoralised or even insulted or hurt. cos he was very polite and nice when he commented on my errors. so it was really like a teaching-learning process. he was not the world's best motivational teacher but he was close.

so yes i was overly paranoid.

i can't be blamed. cos another consultant (that Savante may know!) drilled a colleague of mine to tears just yesterday morning.

today was a good day.

i was guided to elicit clinical signs i would have ever expected (to be able to do on my own!) and hear crazy sounds (funny murmurs) and got lucky at the accuracy of choosing antibiotics! Yay!

ahhh today just changed my take on this discipline: I don't hate Internal Medicine anymore!

But I will STILL never ever pursue it in my postgraduate path!!! (NEVER IN HELL!)

Being a HIV/Infectious Diseases Physician is high on my list of future training plans but due to it requiring preliminary training in many many many many years of Internal Medicine to begin with just killed it for me. Blerrrghhh!

Wish me luck for my exams next week! I am this close to the big one in February.

[Oh hell, I am partying this weekend away... How now brown cow?]

History

At a time where I figured I have grown out of my roots and am about to take flight, I am reminded about where I came from. And how my family helped me grow through it all.

Disappointments. Heartbreaks. Tears and Laughter. Joy. Celebrations of all sorts. Birth of new additions to the family tree.

And death. How the only certain thing in life (besides tax!) changes our lives and the whole dynamics of this nucleus.

How a person can alter to the whole structure that we have grown accustomed to.

Like a wheel, we go up and down. Intermittently. Like tides that come and go. I draw this similarity with our family relations. Awfully dysfunctional (maybe even polemic) at times. And totally bursting with love and affection (when the stars align to make this miracle possible).

Some things just stand the test of time. Free of woes and worries as they remain as they are steadfast in their own right. As such this family's policies and practices have stayed. How the young should conform to expectations and fill in the boxes designed for them. Oh how easy it is to follow! Generation after generation, this beloved family of mine have succumbed to this trend. Till we came to mine. Most decided to step out of the box, carve a direction for themselves but with only one foot out the door.

And well I? I went against the future that was drafted out meticulously by the elders. And for a while, I was the black sheep of the family. People fear what they do not know. I was not exiled per se, thankfully. I guess it takes a while for a group of conservatives to open up their minds to new ideas.

Things aren't all rosy and pretty yet. Not just yet. But we're getting there. :)

Probably it is true. Nothing breaks the blood that binds. Spending a long weekend together has probably giving me a glimpse of the sturdy foundations of our family. Change is coming but we are all in it together.

The innocent days of yore have long past us by. How I miss them. But all that's left to do is to keep walking forward. Keep walking.

Bring Me Back There

It has been a while.

Since I last dove into the mad waves of the South China Sea. Since I slept out in the open beach with the night skyline as my blanket. Since I detached myself from my cellphone/iPod/laptop/car for real.

How we had the whole beach to ourselves. How we explored every nook and cranny of that floating sanctuary. It was all ours for a while. How we had turtles just inches away from us making their way to nest. The closest we ever got to Nature in all her glory.

The world would have crumbled and we wouldn't have cared one bit. It was perfection. It was heaven. It was all ours for that time. And we could hear silence in its truest form. Bliss?

Just me. You. With the waves and the sand.

Out of the darkness that covers us, brightly shining stars and the crescent moon paint out the night sky for us.

It's been a while. And I need a break. Let's go back.

Some Quiet Time Alone

This is a mad world we're living in.

It's easy to get caught up in the routine, schedules and crazy things that would whine a person up. Lost, submerged in it all. Where we'd go blind to things really important to us.

With the final exams just around the corner, yeah miraculously scheduled during a major cultural celebrations (screw you med school!), i can't help but be swallowed by it all. Just living day-to-day wishing weekends come by quickly. Certainly, it's a piece of cake for a major skiver like me!

Getting pissed drunk on a week day night like I did just 2 nights ago. Then going to church (well somewhat, it was a Christmas musical with sermons sandwiched in between) the very next evening. And coming home to a huge dried laundry lying haphazardly in my room.

Got me to realising, my life is pure chaos.

Which was why I went into a recluse mode today and shut everybody out (for a day at least) and no, Facebook didn't count (but I did go offline!)

Just me, my cosy bed, awesome (litres of) coffee and a good book.

No social commitments. No chores. (Ah, they can wait!) Nothing medically-related.

Me, myself and I.

........ Well until Noah came and dragged me out to play with fireworks (I have a bad feeling this was inspired by Mrs. Russel Brand!)

I still have no idea what we were celebrating?