Friday, April 28, 2006

Big Foot Uncovered

Guess what? I found IT!

Yes, that THING that has hogged the headlines of the papers all over the country just not too long ago. Now where do I claim the bounty from?

I was just walking along Church Street, mind my own business, when I saw it! OMG…

Just imagine its “shoe size.”

How could I have missed something SO HUMONGOUS? Look at the size of that thing. It is approximately one metre in length, in real life. I wonder how many masseuses are needed to work on such a big foot.

FYI, ME is going to be away from this Island in the Sun for a while, a week to be exact. Me totally need and deserve time out off this kinda-backwater place. I will be MIA here commencing tomorrow.

Where to? Kay-Elle, babe! The Centre of Coolness, Yummyness (kononnya) and Confusion in this country we call home. Klang Valley to be exact, cos I will mostly be in PJ. But we all know everybody also refers to it as KL as opposed to KV, which is less sexy. Especially if you did not get the alphabet mixed up.

One week of relaxing, catching up with family and friends, be a total glutton, flirt voraciously and last but most crucial responsibility to self, SHOPPING!

At least, that was what I thought this week away was for. Until I found out I had to work for 2 days; settle official documentation or some poo-worthy duty like that. Hence I would have to maximise the free time I have within the 3-days-not-long-enough weekend. Ma piang!

Perhaps you people may spot me hanging around Fitness First Menara Axis and The Curve circa the next few days. (Seriously, you didn’t really believe that part about gluttony, didja?)

If anyone’s gaydar picks up signals around a geeky kampung boy who exudes pure HO-ness, with a big head, can try tugging at my shirt and say “Oi, are you Chad’s boyfriend?”

Don’t worry. I won’t bite. Okay, I could. But only if you ask nicely.

In case you want my Chad as well, I will so bitch-slap you.

I am so so so excited. Because I might be guest-instructing Step classes, but at lousy-most-people-are-at-work weekday slots. Curious as to how the lebih maju KL crowd is like, in GX classes, compared to borderline ulu Pg. More happening bukan?

This counts as a distraction from the routine!

Hope I don’t experience serious salivary gland dysfunction and drool uncontrollably after some hottie in class or fall on my face. *pengsan*

Quoting myself: "Bodysteppers, let's punch a hole in the ceiling. End with style people. S.E.X. (Orgasmic-sounding) YEAH!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Role Model

I have now 3 jobs, though all of them are pretty much made for slackers. Shocking yes! No, I am not teaching during the day, selling my body on some Scratchy-Itchy Lane and then cleaning the local 7-Eleven outlet! Just in case some are wondering. Why, then I won’t have time to blog and more importantly watch One Tree Hill! Ooo Chad.

Don't work so hard, babe!

On another totally unrelated matter, I recently caught up with a *cute* junior of mine (or rather the other way around). He has just finished his SPM and is so enthusiastic about the next phase in his life. I wanted to suggest a sweaty orgy but it is not kind to pollute a young fella’s mind. He then started asking me about, you know, boring serious school/college stuff. Being in a rather good mood, I accommodated his incessant querying. (Honestly, why ask me? Go find the counsellor-lah!)

I have a short attention span. My eyes were roving all over (not at him) until I saw an alumnus on the cover of some publication. So I pointed out to Cute Junior, “You know, this guy said that our principal was his role model to succeed last time?” He then responded, “You are mine.” *gasps* Huh? *eyes blinking* It took me a while before I realised that he meant I am his role model. How is one to respond to such flattery? I said, “You’re joking.”

Why me? I find myself uninspiring and uninteresting. I skipped school as much as I have scored As. I may have accomplished some stuffs but they are nothing to shout about (like having Chad as my BF). Apparently, CJ thinks otherwise. I hardly spoke to him until the last year of high school. It is odd (and head-enlarging) that someone looks up to me that much. *dizzy confusion*

Could I have unknowingly encouraged him to taste the other side of the platter? LOL. Well, he is famed for fancying anything that has the slightest association from the Land of the Rising Sun. And I do have genes originating from there.

But no, I shall not commit adultery against Chad.

Chad: Don’t you dare cheat on me.
Josh: I am all yours.

Now, I have to get back to work. Overtime. No, not cleaning the 7-Eleven toilet.

For the record, Cute Junior is straight as an arrow.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Josh-y Ain't No Monk-y

I could hardly type today. Handling the computer seemed like such a Herculean task. Heck! Even moving the mouse felt like shifting a boulder. My right hand is still drunk. No amount of shaking or massaging is sobering it up.
Let’s not discuss my driving skills today.

Lesson Learnt: NEVER over-act one’s sporting spirit by playing badminton for 3 consecutive hours, going for BodyPump and training to be a tennis champ emulating Andy Roddick, in a timespan of 24 hours.
If like mine, one’s dominant hand will boycott to work.


Today marks the one week anniversary of my latest haircut. Skinhead. Commando. Hampir-Botak. Donno why I chose this direction for my precious locks. They have been grazed. Perhaps I was feeling rebellious or PMS-ing.

I should let it be known that my hairstylist/barber REFUSED to let me have my way to experiment with near-baldness, initially. Then, I used my cutesy stare-ala-Sophia Bush until she surrendered in disgust admiration. The whole haircut took a total of like, 10 minutes. She shaved trimmed my hair with, like a mini handheld-lawnmower. All that vroom-vroom still cost me the same like some atas funky cut.

Does this make me look like a bald drag queen?

And *POOF*! I look like Natalie Portman, as the V for Vendetta DID (damsel in distress!) Except that I have pecs in place of boobs. And a better bum too.

Apparently, the people in my life are not appreciative of this fag's cry for effective ventilation of his scalp. Yeah, lest I forget; for FREEDOM and WORLD PEACE also!

A review of comments thus far include:

Mum: Your Dad will never you renounce life and be a monk.

Aunt Lin: You look like your uncle.

Oily Ooi: No wonder I haven’t seen you around. You went for novice monk retreat ah?

Daphne: Chad [Michael Murray] will still choose me over YOU!

Vincent: Jailbird.

Jia Hong: I never realised you had such a humongous round head.

Biatch-rice: You got dumped, again?

Old Pal Al: You lost all that weight by simply cutting your hair? *gasp*

Eva the Diva: *awkward moment of silence* I pray that your hair can now finally be happy in heaven. You become monk also cannot make up to the grave sins you committed on them so many years.

Cheh! Jealousy is such a mortiferous state of mind.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Back to School Meme

So Wee Shiong tagged me for this meme. I am obliged to do it-loh. I guess I had a pretty interesting path in schooling thus far. Had my share of unforgettable fun times and eeky, down times. I scrunched my brain hard to revisit my old memories of school. Read on, if you dare.

How many schools did you go to?
Err… One kindergarten, Two primary schools, One secondary school. One junior college. *counts using fingers* So that makes FIVE.

Can you believe it? I did not cry during my first day of kindy. My mum attests to that incident. I figure it was because she threatened I will not get MILO during recess if I was a crybaby. Back then, I won’t drink anything if it wasn’t MILO or some carbonated, bad-for-your-teeth drink. Recently, one of my kindy-mates passed away in an accident. How fragile life is.

I dug out this kindergarten graduation picture from the deepest depths of the mess that is my room. Guess which one I am? Send me an email.

Then, I started my primary education in Langley, UK. It was called grammar school there. Small school with a healthy mix of various ethnicities. Can’t even remember anything much besides all the Art classes (where I used the walls as my drawing canvas) and running around the fields trying to smack bugs.

A year later, the family moved back here due to dad’s working commitments. So, I started Darjah Dua (Primary 2) at an all-boys’ missionary school with a history so far back our grandparents weren’t even born yet. Man, I had such a culture shock! Everything was in Bahasa Melayu, except English of course. Torturous time trying to pick up the national language. And the local social conventions. Sigh, always kena marah from my cikgu-cikgu for lagak Barat! I managed to scrape through to be admitted to the best class in Primary 3. That was when all hell broke loose. I had a witch for a class-teacher. I totally hated her. Think the feeling was mutual. Even when I was bullied by my classmates, it ended with me being punished. Annus horribilis it was.

I struggled miserably even till Primary 4. My sole refuge was DragonBall Z comicbooks. That year also saw me somehow being admitted into the some odd programme, not PTS! I was being taught advanced stuff like from Primary 5, literature etc. It helped me to be more interested and driven in academia. Progressed in the programme until Primary 6 when dunno how I became the Head Prefect. I was a bad one I think. I fought a few times. Sighs.

I went to the secondary school linked with my primary school, like brother-schools lah. They even had the same school song. It’s still engraved in my brain. Been singing it for more than a decade leh. Oh I remember, sometime in Form 1, having my English essay being read out in class and the teacher even asked my classmates to COPY the whole essay. My pride ballooned nonetheless. I had crazy male teachers in Form 2. One would punish students by pinching their groin area. Another would teach us SPM Sejarah instead of PMR. The funniest one would be my Geography teacher who only gave us a grand total of 5 pages of notes-homework the whole year. Spent most of his lessons, giving us Sexual Education talks. He even introduced things like condoms, lubricant and cockrings! *gasp* Slightly disturbing character uh?

Form 5 was the BESTEST schooling-year EVER. Did not care too much about grades. Just prioritised on having fun all the time, being in a group of hedonistic psychos. Free periods always meant PJ (Pendidikan Jasmani/Physical Education). When the relief teacher came in, the whole class would cheer, “PJ! PJ! PJ!” We got our way 95% of the time as this meant free time for the teacher too. We were a bunch of self-conceited, over-confident dudes. Our Add Maths teacher walked out of the class a month before SPM, because he can’t stand our ignorance. (I think I need to make another entry just on Form 5 itself. Haha) Still very tight with my Form 5 friends, even till today. Brothers for life, katakan.
Pre-U was the worst phase of my education journey. I survived. Enough said.

Was I the studious nerd or the last minute hero?

Always last minute. Diligence at the eleventh hour is the best (easiest) policy. I guess I was one of those who paid attention in class but I usually forget the things taught once the teachers leave the class. Studying was never in my daily list of things-to-do until exams were around the corner. Sleeping was, still is.

Strangely, I managed to be an A student most of the time. I can’t believe it sometimes.

Was I the class 'taiko' or the teachers' pet?

The teachers’ pet, without a doubt. Hardly got caught red-handed for misdemeanour. Above average grades. Answered questions readily. Punctual in handing in homework. Never chit-chatted when teachers were looking. Never said “no” when being summoned to be teachers’ coolie, albeit at times disgruntled. One of the most ridiculous requests was to start the car engine so that the air-conditioning will begin running for my Physics teacher (how this lady bullies me deserves a whole entry).

I just had to be a good student. My mum headed the PTA. She visited the school on a regular basis and like befriended the whole staff room. Or from my perspective, recruited a company of spies. Mummy dearest constantly reminded them that she has issued the permit to whack me if I ever went out of line. As per usual, teachers talk and gossip. I think the “spies” update my mum as she perennially hinted about school stuff. I will never know. But once (that I know of), they called my mum; thinking I was kidnapped as I was MIA (was in school lah)!

What was the biggest rule I broke in school?

Skipping class. Skipping school. Skipping assembly. (I have to do this for *** society/club/board lah, teacher. Urgent one!) Eating in class. “Loaned” library books without expiry date. Playing football/basketball/volleyball/cards in class. Sleeping in class. Throw foodwaste on some annoying prefect’s car. “Extended recess” in the Scouts’ Den. Singing in class (I was the ubiquitous class karaoke-machine!) Sneaked out of school to buy McDonalds/Dim Sum. Bribed teacher to safeguard forbidden stuffs from being confiscated.

I was a bad, bad boy.

Yes, I even periodically brought my friends to the AV room to watch Astro during lessons. No porn, unlike Will though.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, until you get caught.”

Oh, I just remembered. I once locked a classmate in a toilet cubicle. Just for fun. He ratted on me to the teacher. Pn. Salmah believed in my innocent eyes instead. I was quite the little devil, even at only 8 years of age.

Take your pick at my (not exhaustive) list of delinquent behaviour.

Three subjects I enjoyed the most.

English. Like duh! And I reckon my English teachers did nurture my inclination for Literature. My English classes were never really about dissecting the 8 parts of speech. But we learnt it through stories, videos, newspapers, poetry and ACTUAL practical usage of the language. English was the only way I could express my innermost self.

Chemistry. As much as I am a fan of all the Sciences, Chemistry appealed to me the most. It required less memory work than Biology and made more sense than Physics. But we all know that Biology is essentially Chemistry, which is actually Physics, which really is Math.

Economics. Tough but mostly common sense. Showed logic and reason for phenomena like inflation, price hikes blablabla. Improved my financial competency, which is seriously lousy.

Three teachers that inspired me

Mr. Choo. My Form 5 Add Math tutor. Salvaged my consistent D7 grade to a decent A2. Isn’t that enough reason? A nice fella who treated us Pizza Hut parties prior to SPM. Favourite quote, “Life is too short. Cheer up, for soon we will all be dead.”

Ms. Lee HC. Pre-U Chemistry teacher. Somehow she made me see the wonders of Chemistry. Now, I think the subject is like totally dope. She is like a big sister rather than a teacher. I think the best part is that she is down to earth and humble. If she doesn’t know something, she would honestly admit it unlike some teachers who make up facts. Note: She tore my answer script on the first day of class. Scary.

Ms. Sandhi. Form 5 Bahasa Melayu cum Counsellor. I am still in awe as she was the solo teacher who did not need to shout, scream, shout or shriek to command the class. Nor need she use the cane. When Ms. Sandhi talks, everybody listens. Perfect silence. The only time I didn’t feel like learning BM was a drag. She was pretty good at fortune-telling too.

Guess this is where I am to tag people. Erm… cincai-lah
1. Zemien. For old time’s sake.
2. Wormy. You perpetually have tonnes to say about your alma mater.
3. Jasmine. Me godsis.
4. JC. Wondering, cos I know oh-so many people from your school.
5. Anyone who has the free time and wants to.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Monumental Moment

Today started out as usual. Too lazy to drag myself out of bed.
Until I received a call from the office to get something important.
It's here.
The second I held it with my fingers, they trembled.
I practically said to it, "I have been waiting for you for so long!"


And it's issued by the Accountant General's Department (Jabatan Akauntan Negara), see... got the Malaysian Coat of Arms up there also. Yes, I am a government servant. Moulding the future of our nation. *pukes*

It's late. Like a month late. Another example about the excellent working efficiency in our country with all the bureaucracy and red-tape. What if I'm some really poor dude in dire need of the money, feeding off rice and salt? Masuk that "Bersamamu" TV show already lo.

Lame jokes aside. I am really happy I finally received the paycheque. It's like I have an actual job (albeit not long term) and mature enough to shoulder responsibilities. I am a contributing member of the society. Yes, I have bills to my name and even EPF! Haha. No, wait! All these makes me feel old. :-( Bummer.

So, I am RM1,446.64 richer. No surprises which state I am in.

Well, I have actually been working before and gotten paid for that. But all in cash. You know-lah, part time jobs like selling handphone, some mobile pre-paid promotion ah, and even writing for some lesser-publications. Even the private college I'm currently moonlighting at pays cash, and promptly too.

Now, I am looking forward to the next paycheque.

Wee Shiong, I promise to do the meme you tagged me SOON! Gotta make way for this ma. I'm such a baby.

Quote of the day:

"Who is strong? He who subdues his passions. Who is rich? He who is satisfied with his lot." - The Talmud

My Visit to the Dentist (and other stories)

Thursday morning at 10.00a.m., I found myself at my friendly neighbourhood Dental Surgery Clinic. Actually it was about 10km from where my home is and I have a pretty fancy dental clinic like 500m away but that's totally irrelevant. This fella has been drilling, extracting and polishing my teeth (not forgetting smelling my breath) since like 15 years ago. Yeah, we go all the way back! I remember calling him “Dentist Ko-Ko” back then. The receptionist a.k.a. Dentist’s Big Sister told me I’m only 30 minutes away from my turn although I saw like 8 people sitting on the couch, waiting. I got no bangku to rest my lazy ass on also.

Liar. Liar liar, pants on fire.

I had mentioned I needed to go to school to do some documentation work and will be back within an hour. No. She said, “Wait-lah, very fast one!” Okay lo. I waited and waited and waited. I even visited the loo several times and found some old issues of LIME (not in the toilet!), that made some memories of old romances kick in.

2 hours later, I FINALLY cosily sat down on the dental chair (or whatever it’s called). I told Dentist Ko-Ko that I had a tingling sensation on one of my rear molar teeth and it feels like a cavity. “Not cavity-lah”, he said after digging for a while. I rebutted, “Sakit-leh.” And thus, he started fitting my front teeth with some kind of green rubber mat that made my mouth look like a trampoline. Then, he started digging and drilling and filling and drilling again… on my lateral incisors. WTH! I was charged RM120 for getting treatment for something I didn’t want to have done in the first place and went home with that hole still in my rear molar.

Fast forward to 2.00p.m., I brought Mummy for lunch at Prangin Mall. We ended up at this ‘cafĂ© & restaurant’ named Thai Station. Moderate food. Moderate service. Like that la. I had Pineapple Fried Rice (ergh!) and Tub Thim Krob (water chestnut & jackfruit in coconut milk) while she had Shrimp Paste Rice (good!) & Thai Cendol (ciplak Penang punya!). Then, go jalan-jalan at Popular Bookstore.
Thai Station, Prangin Mall Atrium B, Level 1
Tub Thim Krob & Thai Cendol
The Pineapple Fried Rice I had

Geek factor resurfaces.

Mummy then dragged me to the Sandilands Market (Chit Teow Lor Ban San, in Hokkien) where I jadi kuli and carried her purchases. Yes, I am a momma's boy. Got home, showered and zoomed off to the gym for some loving from BodyStep, with old tracks. Did BodyJam for the first time in 3 months, after being held at knife-point by Kim and Shakira. Darn, it was good! Nearly got kicked in my face by Sean in BodyCombat later. Was distracted by the presence of three siblings in the GX Studio. Like triplets, woi!

My bum hurts now. Ouch!

Quote of the day:
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” - R. L. Stevenson

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I blame the coffee

So since I have been bitten by the blogging bug yet again, the epinephrine flowing within my veins is propelling me to post another journal, albeit insignificant.

As some of you may know, I recently joined a gym (located like, seriously far away from my home). And to the dismay of some, I have turned into what they call a ‘gym bunny’, or the less nice version, a ‘gym freak’.

I tend to get bored easily. And seriously, after a month, I got sick of playing with all the cardio machines and still not tough enough to mess around the free weights section like the old maestros with bulging muscles all over. Disclaimer: I never wanted to (nor have I ever believed that I could) turn into a muscular hunk.

Then, one of the marketing executives of the gym, who I have sort of befriended, asked me to accompany him to attend a BodyAttack class. It is one of the Les Mills Body Training Systems. Practically, all those LM classes just aim to burn calories and increases strength accompanied by ‘fun’ music. Aerobics, you say? No. Aerobics are so 1980s. This is the new age group exercise classes, taking the world over. Quoted from the Les Mills marketing blablabla.

Anyways, that was 3 months ago. I started getting hooked with BodyAttack. And then a while longer before I untied my guts to try out BodyCombat. Then came BodyStep and BodyPump. The promotion of getting a free bottle of 100 Plus Aqtiv after each class got me to try BodyBalance. Later, JH dragged me into trying RPM (cycling programme) during the recent one day break. They are seriously 'fun'. Thus, I am now officially hooked to all of the programmes. Darn. Except BodyJam.

I did BodyPump, then BodyStep and 10 minutes of BodyCombat last night. To vent my frustration and stress for the day. And upon waking up this morning, I found my tummy bulging. One would have imagined this will not happen since I have been actively ‘burning fat’. So, I just thought of what I had eaten.

Coffee, Hello Panda biscuits, Economy Rice with Tofu, Broccoli and Soy Sauce Pork (never said I am a halal-vore), Peanut Soup, Coffee, 100 Plus, OJ, Chicken, Lamb and Pork Combo Meal, Chocolate Pudding, Coffee, Wantan Mee with extra Wantan, Nyonya Kuih, Coffee, Chocolate-Coffee Pastry.

All in merely ONE DAY!!!

I blame the coffee.

P.S. Song recommendation:
Joanna Zimmer - I Believe (Give A Little Bit)


Testing. TESTING. testing.

1. 2. 3.