Let Me Do It!

If you did not review the patient, don't lie and document 'fictitious' findings in the case notes.

If you do not know anything, ask your peers or superiors. Don't play the guessing game with drug dosages.

If you've done something wrong, own up. Don't fake hypoglycaemic fainting spells as a reason for escape. (And I totally saw you gossiping in the on-call room after!)

If you are so afraid of getting sick from the patients you're supposed 'to care for', you might need to think again if you want this job.

If you have opinions about a patient's illness, keep it to yourself. It's not for mindless chit-chat.

If you are so afraid of taking blood from a patient with retroviral disease, LET ME DO IT ALREADY!

Thank you!

For not doing your job and letting me fill in your gaps while I learn to be better.

And not turn into someone like you. Ptuiii!

a change of heart?

this week i was posted to a semi-rural hospital. only accessible by a trunk road.

as i drive there in the mornings, i have wondered out of boredom - can i get broadband here? will there ever be a mall in this town? LOL but i can get mobile internet on my cellphone though. ah Facebook is still within reach!

the journey there is quite scenic and picturesque. sometimes when i wake up early enough (on time, i mean) i can actually see the sun rise from the eastern skies.

and godsaveme, it's an hour long drive each way.

anyways, i like the hospital. it's small, less staff, less patients, less busy hence people are less pissy.

however, i honestly dreaded this current module/block/posting i am doing cos i have always felt that i am not smart enough for it.

INTERNAL MEDICINE.

the standard textbooks span in the excess of 1000 pages each. possibly comprising of like 80% of all possible diseases from all organ and systems in the human body. to me its like an insurmountable peak, just on the verge of burying me in its base.

and it's exams week AGAIN next week! yup, Christmas week! what a wonderful time to get tortured. and i have been totally dozing my way through the past 3 weeks 'training' in this block.

and in a glimpse, we are reaching the end.

hence, we arrive to today.

a series of unfortunate events as follows:

1. i woke up nearly 20 minutes late. (should have just skived and slept at home!)

2. there was a huge 18 wheeler lorry in front of me (the road being a single-lane in each direction, i couldn't overtake it) causing me to be even more late.

3. some malfunction of my car door.

4. only upon arrival at the hospital did i realise i missed my early morning energy bar! (DAMMIT!)

5. i volunteered to venture into a separate ward from the ones my groupmates were in.

6. i impulsively started clerking the first patient i saw (i usually stroll about and wait for somebody to smile at me before i storm to talk to him/her, on sleepy days like this.)

7. the lecturer stormed into the cubicle while i was examining the patient to observe me.

8. he then said, okay we shall discuss your case with your groupmates and you demonstrate the examination to everybody!

DIEEEEEEEEEE!!! it was a neurological case. which is a system i am particularly weak in (partially cos i am half cuckoo to begin with)

hence i began to tremble and panic!

it began okay. i started saying a lot of general bulls*** that was not applicable to the patient to buy me time hahaha. (which he totally bought and was happy with!)

i began examining. and it all went downhill from there.

i reckon i performed all the required components. but i got criticised every other minute. *frowny face*

"do you think that looks professional?"

"perform each step in logical order. not just by rote memory."

"what you have just done is irrelevant"

"you are tapping, not swinging as you should"

"why did you miss this important sign?"

LOL but i wasn't demoralised or even insulted or hurt. cos he was very polite and nice when he commented on my errors. so it was really like a teaching-learning process. he was not the world's best motivational teacher but he was close.

so yes i was overly paranoid.

i can't be blamed. cos another consultant (that Savante may know!) drilled a colleague of mine to tears just yesterday morning.

today was a good day.

i was guided to elicit clinical signs i would have ever expected (to be able to do on my own!) and hear crazy sounds (funny murmurs) and got lucky at the accuracy of choosing antibiotics! Yay!

ahhh today just changed my take on this discipline: I don't hate Internal Medicine anymore!

But I will STILL never ever pursue it in my postgraduate path!!! (NEVER IN HELL!)

Being a HIV/Infectious Diseases Physician is high on my list of future training plans but due to it requiring preliminary training in many many many many years of Internal Medicine to begin with just killed it for me. Blerrrghhh!

Wish me luck for my exams next week! I am this close to the big one in February.

[Oh hell, I am partying this weekend away... How now brown cow?]

History

At a time where I figured I have grown out of my roots and am about to take flight, I am reminded about where I came from. And how my family helped me grow through it all.

Disappointments. Heartbreaks. Tears and Laughter. Joy. Celebrations of all sorts. Birth of new additions to the family tree.

And death. How the only certain thing in life (besides tax!) changes our lives and the whole dynamics of this nucleus.

How a person can alter to the whole structure that we have grown accustomed to.

Like a wheel, we go up and down. Intermittently. Like tides that come and go. I draw this similarity with our family relations. Awfully dysfunctional (maybe even polemic) at times. And totally bursting with love and affection (when the stars align to make this miracle possible).

Some things just stand the test of time. Free of woes and worries as they remain as they are steadfast in their own right. As such this family's policies and practices have stayed. How the young should conform to expectations and fill in the boxes designed for them. Oh how easy it is to follow! Generation after generation, this beloved family of mine have succumbed to this trend. Till we came to mine. Most decided to step out of the box, carve a direction for themselves but with only one foot out the door.

And well I? I went against the future that was drafted out meticulously by the elders. And for a while, I was the black sheep of the family. People fear what they do not know. I was not exiled per se, thankfully. I guess it takes a while for a group of conservatives to open up their minds to new ideas.

Things aren't all rosy and pretty yet. Not just yet. But we're getting there. :)

Probably it is true. Nothing breaks the blood that binds. Spending a long weekend together has probably giving me a glimpse of the sturdy foundations of our family. Change is coming but we are all in it together.

The innocent days of yore have long past us by. How I miss them. But all that's left to do is to keep walking forward. Keep walking.

Bring Me Back There

It has been a while.

Since I last dove into the mad waves of the South China Sea. Since I slept out in the open beach with the night skyline as my blanket. Since I detached myself from my cellphone/iPod/laptop/car for real.

How we had the whole beach to ourselves. How we explored every nook and cranny of that floating sanctuary. It was all ours for a while. How we had turtles just inches away from us making their way to nest. The closest we ever got to Nature in all her glory.

The world would have crumbled and we wouldn't have cared one bit. It was perfection. It was heaven. It was all ours for that time. And we could hear silence in its truest form. Bliss?

Just me. You. With the waves and the sand.

Out of the darkness that covers us, brightly shining stars and the crescent moon paint out the night sky for us.

It's been a while. And I need a break. Let's go back.

Some Quiet Time Alone

This is a mad world we're living in.

It's easy to get caught up in the routine, schedules and crazy things that would whine a person up. Lost, submerged in it all. Where we'd go blind to things really important to us.

With the final exams just around the corner, yeah miraculously scheduled during a major cultural celebrations (screw you med school!), i can't help but be swallowed by it all. Just living day-to-day wishing weekends come by quickly. Certainly, it's a piece of cake for a major skiver like me!

Getting pissed drunk on a week day night like I did just 2 nights ago. Then going to church (well somewhat, it was a Christmas musical with sermons sandwiched in between) the very next evening. And coming home to a huge dried laundry lying haphazardly in my room.

Got me to realising, my life is pure chaos.

Which was why I went into a recluse mode today and shut everybody out (for a day at least) and no, Facebook didn't count (but I did go offline!)

Just me, my cosy bed, awesome (litres of) coffee and a good book.

No social commitments. No chores. (Ah, they can wait!) Nothing medically-related.

Me, myself and I.

........ Well until Noah came and dragged me out to play with fireworks (I have a bad feeling this was inspired by Mrs. Russel Brand!)

I still have no idea what we were celebrating?

Do I Look Like A Slut?

Suddenly, from nobody interested in me. Now, we have FOURRR?

1. Noah?
2. New houseman.
3. Final year Pharmacy student.
4. 3rd year junior.

Ah, this can be interesting! :P

Bitchy Joshy!

Just the other day, my friends were ganging up and attacking me from every possible aspect (jokingly, I hope?)

"Okay okay. I will cut the bitchy."

"But if you weren't bitchy, you won't be Joshy!"

*roars with laughter*

The End.

It's Almost December?

I miss writing. My quirky musings.

Somehow life just got to me. Taking me away from things I enjoy. Ah more than you can imagine.

No time for a good book. No time to chat wholeheartedly on MSN even.

Routine messed me up. :(

On another note, I fell in love. With Anaesthesia. Maybe cos I am good at it. *cough cough*

It's now hiked up high on the list of possible career paths. Poking people for a living. Putting them to sleep. Like a magician. LOL

Meanwhile, Radiology? *pukes* I'd rather be a Public Health Consultant (inside med condescending joke)

Panic attack!

2 months to my last ever written exams in medical school. (and everybody knows I am a last minute rush kinda guy, a con i greatly lament myself)

3 months to a change in hospitals.

8 months to exit vivas.

10 months to entering the public health service. And paying income tax.

*groans*

Spent considerable amount of time with Mummy Dearest and the extended family. Nothing breaks the blood that binds (as dysfunctional as we are!) The comforts of home cooked food and impeccable home laundry service :D

Been partying a lot too. Done a little bit of everything. A little bit of everywhere. With a bit of everyone. Can't say my heart's always there. :( In a way, it could be my guise, in denial of the madness surrounding me. Lying to self, much?

Half of my heart's got a grip on this situation. Half of my heart takes time.

Probably time to pick up the pace and proceed with gusto?

But maybe maybe, I am being brought down by my new dependence.

A narcotic. HAHAHAHA! (shitez!)

They're probably to blame I can't decide on the new guys in my life.

Get Outta My Way (Boys) Tribute

Another reason to love this favourite song of mine... Amazing how it keeps me going (for 15km)!!!

Yummy song eh?

Guess what I found...

... on one silent night, revising Radiology images online. LOL

Click the link below, if you dare! Haha

http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMicm0707656

You'd be surprised how common this is...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

So yeah, I am dating Mr. Oncologist (this nickname for him is seriously wearing me out!) From now onwards, I shall use his name - Noah.

Noah and I (nice ring to it eh?) have been seeing each other for quite a while now. A few moons have passed us by. All's good. But we're still not totally in a typical relationship per se, mainly cos I am not ready and thing's aren't that steady. Both of us have had our shares of traumatic breakups and commitment issues. Boohoohoo huh?

For goodness sake, he is 2 states away! These days, he only comes to this hospital once in 2 weeks! Major bummer. So the amount of conjugal visits have dropped hella lot. Gah! Complicated much?

So more ways than one, this is yet another 'long-distance relationship' if you had to put a label on it.

Guess what? To make things worse, for the past 2 months he has been flying all around Asia for whatchamacallit - medical conferences and fellowship interviews and blablabla. With the timezone differences and like bad reception (I am looking at you, Nepal!), we don't talk nor skype much. Sometimes, not even for like 3-5 days? *frowns*

Always look at the bright side of things - Low-maintenance, this shows?

There was this one time, right before he boarded the plane back to KL (this was like when we first hooked up), he called.

"Hey, can you come to KLIA and pick me up later?"

"Err... Okay? I guess? Can't you take a cab home?" (Like dude, we weren't even dating yet!)

"But you are the first person I want to see when I land... " (Ladies and gents, yes I am dating a cornball! LOL)

"Okay lah." (I was shocked at his brazen line!)

*toot toot toot FAST FORWARD A FEW HOURS LATER*

After we set off from the carpark, he said, "Why don't we go to your place tonight?" And he held my hand as we drove back to this town I am stuck at now!

[And the rest is CENSORED! LOL]

That's been the way it has been for the past few weeks. How we make the most out of the limited time we share.

Good enough to put a smile on my face :)

I got a...

full huge-ass A for the last exam! Woohooo!!!

But I think I effing deserved it! Wootz!

kthxbai.

Advice to Self

When you are 'dating' a consultant/specialist, you as a medical student/junior doctor/shadow houseman SHOULD NEVER JOIN HIS WARD ROUNDS...

It is bound to get very awkward and weird.

And never spill it to your faghag colleague with a histrionic personality disorder, who will obviously giggle and hint to others that you are sleeping with the senior doc.

Boohoohoo!

The Only Exception

You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing...

He asked me again...

I have lost count on how many times he has popped the question.

"Let's go steady."

And I always change the topic with some inane comment like, "Do you think I need liposuction?" or "That day, I saw maggots crawling out of a patient's wound."

I am just lost. This feels like a crossroad, or somewhere the road diverges. Where I need to pick a direction. Or otherwise?

As irresponsible as this sounds, I am pretty contented at how things are between him and I right now. We are "undefined/it's complicated"??? We talk a lot about our days. We laugh at the same things (and the same people)... I think he gets me better than I do myself. (But that is pretty intimidating!) Things are further compounded by the fact that he works in the same hospital, at times.

Oh yeah, if you must know, the sex is awesome!

"No pressure. Take all the time you need."

Maybe sarcasm? I don't know. I guess I am just not ready to commit, not just yet.

But what is this warm-fuzzy-butterflies-feeling in my tummy everytime he smiles at me? Something I thought I would never feel again.

OMFGGG

Today, he just called me "Dear?" in public!!!

*GASP!*

OMFGGG!!!

A Teenage Dream?

So yeah, last Sunday was supposed to be the last day of my end-of-4th-year break.

I had spent all night out with the bros, oh well doing what bestbuds from high school do when they meet, so yes, drunk.

Imagine how pissed I was woken up by a phone call at 8.00 a.m. ARGH what the *fish!

"Hey I just landed at the Penang Airport. Come pick me up and let's go for breakfast?"

It was the Oncologist.

Being the awesome host I am *cough cough*, I picked him and we drove off into the beautiful sunny morning in the Pearl of the Orient. *cough cough again*

"I came over cos I didn't want you to drive the long stretch back to KL alone."

Awwwwww.... Corny yes but awww!

Haha so the whole morning was stuffing our faces silly with the best Penang hawker food can offer (or rather my favourite spots!)

And yes, the very long drive on the North-South Expressway didn't feel so long with quality company! ;P

LOL I gotta say it was pretty hilarious really, having him sing along to Taylor Swift, Katy Perry and Rihanna with much gusto!

I can feel my walls coming down already :)

:)

rainy days oh rainy days

i think i might have lost all faith in true love.

*mega-frowns*

ok, moving on now...

It Comes Naturally ;)

You have a way of moving me,

A force of nature, your energy...

It comes naturally... Mr. O!

Otherwise... I am bored :(

Birmingham Pride - 28 May 2010

yeah so i was there... after attending Lady Gaga's concert... and well, let the pictures do all the talking then!

Ah How Sweet This Is...

Awww.... *smiley face*

i think it's time

or almost... very close to...

ending this blog! :(

Lie Lie Lie

Quote of the Week

You have the body of a God...

...Unfortunately it's Buddha!

LMAO!

Okay, hopefully this doesn't offend any religious critics/clerics/whatever.
[Okay lah that counts a disclaimer!]

Ciaoz!

Bare

Kinda like this song! Seems like a highly rated musical on tour in the US of A!

"A baseball bat? There's one in my pants."

Dysfunctional teenage gay relationships - ah reminiscent of every fag's highschool/college days huh?

Hmm the colourful memories!

"... and know why we whisper in hallways. I'll be with you always..."


On a sidenote, I think the hospital I am in, is starting to get steamier than Seattle Grace Mercy West (aka the one in Grey's Anatomy)!!! Lotsa nasty things happening! *like any surprise there?*

Okay, and please please pleaaasseee pray for my survival through the hell of a rollercoaster ride that is my finals! [2 down, 2 to go!]

And then, Chinese New Year, Cuti-cuti South East Asia, Emergency Medicine block, publish my our research paper! and summer in UK!!! Wheee!!!

Here's another one, a studio recording version (better vocals, obviously) and Matt Doyle is playing Eric van der Woodsen's (now-ex)BF on Gossip Girl, methinks! Coolness

Postcard from The Ex*

NAMASTE!

Voila! This is what I found in the mailbox today!

What a pleasant surprise!


Yes, he is on another of his "I am gonna make the world a better place!" mission trips again! He's on a roll!

BTW is it normal for one's BF and the Ex to be "friends on facebook" and actually talk more to each other than to me at the dinnertable? Just outta curiosity. LOL


*Guess it's probably time to give him an proper nickname?

*THIS IS POST 201!!! Wow...

I Confess My Sins

Forgive me Lord. For I have misbehaved.

I think I have a crush on my Orthopaedics lecturer.

Being part of his ward team for 3 weeks is... ah heaven! I admit that I been practically stalking him around in the operation theatre, clinic, wards, office blablabla (with a few fangirls).

To learn from his expertise lo, why else? ;)

Oh btw, he is rather young. Leonardo Dicaprio-ish hair. Killer sepet eyes.

This one can pass as his half-brother, maybe!

Just a few days ago, we had this super duper mega over-the-top b*tchy difficult patient who came in with olecranon bursitis due to playing too much badminton (yeah right).

OMG this uncle damn the WTF (pardon my interesting-reference-to-a-KL-Motor-Vehicle-Number-Plate), being cocky and complaining about the whole public health sector (yes it's kinda flawed but we work around the bumps right?)!!!

The whole team ie. nurses-medstudents (ME!)-interns-registrars also cannot stand and rolled eyes at each other and I swear this houseman (namesake of the Head of the Commonwealth) gestured for us to slap this uncle's face! And yes, he was very rude to Cute-Ortho-Lecturer as well. KNNCCB! But ahhh, Cute-Ortho-Lecturer spoke to him very patiently and appeased him by just poking a needle into his elbow. I was WOW-ed! Everybody left happy (okay, maybe we still b*tched about this case). THE END.


Respectful. Caring. Gregarious. Patient. Non-drama. Fantabulous teacher!

Nice package indeed.

We're even 'friends' on Facebook!

Too bad he is married... to a woman. And yes, I think the wife's pretty hawt.

DAMN.


But aaahhh... I love Orthopaedics now. No, I do not have any indecent ideations OKEH!

This isn't half as bad as the cases I see in the wards. Ouch!

Hello Mr. Oncologist!

Haha just found out you read my blog too! [Not that I am a regular one at that!] What a surprise, nonetheless!

Ah well guess I have one less person to bitch about here. LOL just kidding. I think you are nice.

Take this photo as a welcoming gift to you.

3.5kg MALT mass with peritoneal adhesions.

Like we discussed the other night, some people can be likened to malignancy; pure sinister sometimes hiding in deepest crevices that they think they will not be discovered.

But hell yeah we can (OKAY, primarily your job); we hunt, we locate. We excise and incinerate!

Oops sorrry! The photo got me too enthralled; I can still recall the whole procedure. Skin-to-skin: 18 minutes. How the tumour felt in my gloved hands. Lumpy-bumpy, humpty-dumpty.

And likewise, the good shall emerge victorious. Maybe not me. But definitely not the vile.

Another Perspective

Maybe another life, another path is what I really need.

Right now.

I am not really sure whether this is what I signed up for.



Gah. Life. Such a job.

Hello 2010!

Somehow I can't believe it's a new year already! Heck, it's the start of a new decade.

Goodbye Noughties!

Oooh boy! What a year 2009 has been!

My choice of keywords for Oh-Nine would be: drama, scandals, bitching, perseverance and blood.

Looking back on the year, it did not have a lack of trials and tribulations, oh bah-humbug, along with some wholesome good fun. Insufficiency of the latter, IMHO.


Got a new nickname - "The HO".

So don't trust me!

Started clinical training.

Getting my self-esteem crushed and rebuilt on a daily basis. Serving my pride to the (some) ruthless Dato/Datin/Prof/Consultants for breakfast.

But all is good. I am surviving and thriving (even if just a little).


Small glimpse of my future career path.

"You are born to be an obstetrician. You have nice long fingers. Good to palpate the sacral promontory." (aka good at poking vajayjays)

"You should consider doing orthopaedics. You have the stature. Not like your friend here." *points at a shorter classmate* LOL


"You are so full of yourself. Try pursuing General Surgery."


In all honesty, I prefer surgical-based specialties. Love working with my hands. And I doubt I have the intelligence to be an internist. Time will tell.



Ate and ate and ate. Exercise no enough.


FAT FAT FAT! Need to restart my stepping/yoga/pilates/regular running.


Yes, I will start after my finals in a month's time. LOL



Travelled quite a bit.

5 visits to Singapore in a year. Oh and that one day trip down south just to catch STOMP!



Had surgery done.

Pain. Propofol is such a b*tch!

Ugly scar. Borderline keloid.

Taken 3 days post-op.

Bought myself a new celly!

Okay, mummy's pressie actually! LOL
Farewell w900i baby! It has been a good 3.5 years with you!



Got some kinky presents for my birthday this year!

Passion Fruit Flavour!

Bade farewell to some buddies (who left for overseas: various reasons).


As One Tree Hill says, "People always leave."

But then again, these people are pretty much indispensable.

Heck, my phone has equal UK/US/Aus/NZ/Singapore SMS-es/occasional phone calls to the local ones I make these days. Still getting regular snailmail and surprise packages. Love love love!



Hello to new darling friends!

Well, you know who you are. And you know I love you guys like porn chocolates and alcohol!

*hearts*

Our Xmas Tree!

And a special shoutout to the newest peepz I met at the NYE party alrighty! *winks*



40 months and counting...


This year wasn't particularly easy on the relationship. But we are still holding on.

Am happy :)